I’m pretty sure no one in my life would deny that I am a messy person. Though it might not be obvious to naturally organized people, most messy people stress about their mess and do want to do better. The really depressing and unfortunate thing is that I have actual improved my cleaning and organizing skills 100 percent since I’ve had kids. But of course nobody notices because kids are unbelievably efficient mess-making professionals. I recently read an article called “Tips for Messy People” that was very obviously and unhelpfully written by someone who has never been messy. For example, one of the 5 tips was a suggestion to “Dust. Seriously.” On the scale of what can be improved with my cleaning habits, dusting is nearly dead last, next to polishing silver. First of all, I would have to make it to the area to dust, without having to tiptoe through the square foot spaces in between the solid blanket of toys or see where the dust is, under the dirty dishes.
The best method I’ve found for cleaning up is to invite someone over who I think might judge me for my mess. I give myself a really narrow window, like 20 minutes, and then crash around the house putting laundry away, cleaning, wiping down surfaces, and washing dishes really fast. The only potential obstacle is not really wanting to hang out with the person once she gets there.
But you can always pretend! Just yesterday, I cleaned my daughter’s room in record time just imagining someone I wouldn’t get along with was coming over. Of course it was immediately ruined by a sibling doubles game of “Laugh Hysterically While You Empty an Entire Dresser.” He might look small, but my son is an incredibly focused and diligent unloader of dresser drawers and a devoted teammate. I would stop him but it really is the best of his limited repertoire of infant games. It very clearly beats out “Find Every Hidden Penny in the House and Put it In Your Mouth” or “Touch the Bottom of the Plugger, Play With the Toilet Water, Suck on Your Finger” or “Sit on the Edge of a Stair and Free-Fall Forward.” So, what can I do?
I know I do make things hard for myself, but I think there are equally strong forces working against me. For one, every single member of my household has an aversion to the vacuum cleaner. My husband never uses it, the cat meows gratingly as soon as he sees it coming and my children are completely TERRIFIED of it. When my daughter was littler she would cry through the entire experience, repeat “I don’t like va-coom” for hours, and then get PTSD every time she spotted it in the house. We actually had to hide it because the sight of it was causing so many issues. Now, when I bring it out she says, “Why are you getting out THAT THING?!” and my son will shrink away from it if you try to make him touch it. So to actually use it I have to send my daughter to the kitchen “safe zone” and carry my son in the Ergo so he knows at least mommy will have to go down with him if the thing bites.
Lastly, this is a picture of my kids’ lost sock basket.
EVERY SINGLE ONE is unmatched. There are 28 individual socks. Are you freaking kidding me? Exactly how can I fight a small sock-eating creature that lives in my dryer? No matter what I do, he will always be there.
Mom It Out 