School Projects, You Are Not My Friend

School Projects, You Are Not My Friend

Hey now, parents, teachers, buddies- isn’t time we just make a solid brilliant agreement to just throw out all projects immediately after they are made? Nobody wants them, the beauty is in the process, and trash is their home. All of the learning experience remains, and none of the supreme frustration of ever touching/dealing with/ pretending you will keepsake it continues after they’ve made it. Pretty sure you know what I am talking about, but just as an example-let’s talk about Science Night. Recently, my son started attending a Preschool That Gives a Shit so that means I have to SEE their devotion to learning and RAISE it with: I will attend every extracurricular event to prove to you I am more than just the parent that arrives late.

So, Science Night, at exactly the wrong time, which is 4 in the afternoon. My daughter and baby and I arrived underfed and under-napped, which meant we were basically ready to participate badly in all activities from the get go. And though they had promised pizza, they made us wait till after the projects. Listen, I support Science 178%, Art 254%, and wind plus feathers is freaking awesome, but seriously we made 4, yes 4, different projects in 45 minutes out of LITERAL trash. While I thought about which of these small children would be the best to eat, (NURSING APPETITE! JK guys it is just a game, I’m not going to eat a kid ok, but seriously there were some that really looked delish, JK! JK! Totally kidding), my daughter vocalized this need by saying, “Where is the pizza?, Are we going to eat the pizza?! Are they opening the pizza yet??!!” And my baby just started eating all the trash materials on the table because she felt the energy of frustration too, plus no sleep makes you do things. Quick side note- my husband is always like, “She’s eating Kleenex!” and I’m like, “ Chill! I kept her alive all day!” Right? I know you feel me on this.

Anyway, we were a mess, and the assistants were like, ask your mom to tie this thing on the kite that won’t even work. And I was like I have a baby eating Kleenex in one hand and seriously why are you leading them on? Then, a pushier mom got to eat some of the pizza early and I was like no you didn’t and then my daughter was like (loudly) yes she did, and then the baby choked on something, and my son was like I wanna go outside and try this poorly made parachute on the tower, and I was like no, the pizza, and then we got the pizza and he was like now let’s go, and I was like EATING IS IMPORTANT and my daughter was like I ate too fast I feel sick, and then I was carrying 4 slices of pizza and a baby and 8 projects that sucked. And this is where we should have thrown them in the trash. But we didn’t. We came home and threw them all over the house then had 4 breakdown tantrums before bed about why the kite won’t fly in the rain and where are the parachute stickers.

W to the O to the RTH IT. 100% folks.

One response »

  1. I always enjoy reading your blogs Molly – brings back memories of my own and our kids ! Now, I get to view the ‘science nights’ (in a few years, that is) with my granddaughter Sybil !

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